Puto-kutsinta ni Bae Osiang
A love story
Apr 20th, 2008 by ella
Warning: the following entry is the mushiest love post ever…
tikey says:
April 9th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Naku Ella mas matagal at sandamukal na patience ang dinaanan ko dati. pero nakaya naman basta me love at trust talaga
2. Des says:
April 9th, 2008 at 9:00 am
well, time will tell how long you would last. whatever you decide on, just make sure it’s what you really want.
always, always, always listen to your heart. and oh by the way, although I’m pretty sure your relationship is always in your prayers, just keep on asking Him for more guidance. ingat palagi!!
3. coldman says:
April 9th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
….kung mahal nyo naman siguro ang isat-isa, walang imposible. =)
4. Shakes says:
April 9th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
…hold on, parating na sya.
5. maxi says:
April 10th, 2008 at 12:19 am
…let your heart decide dahil hindi nagkakamali ang puso sa kanyang nararamdaman.
Nakikinig ako sa mga payo ‘nyo, my friends. I take them to heart, but please bear with me a little longer. Nawindang na naman ang puso ko, nagulo pati lablayp ko. Last Friday, out of the blue, sumulpot ulit si soulmate sa buhay ko.
For four long months, there was nothing, only silence between us. Kahit simpleng “hi” sa text wala. When he asked for time alone to sort out the shit happening in his life, pumayag ako. He had just resigned from his job then.
Sabi niya haharap lang daw siya ulit sa akin kapag maayos na ang buhay niya. Kapag puwede ko na siyang ipagmalaki kahit kanino. Kapag kaya na niyang ibigay whatever my heart desires.
Ganoon siya talaga. Nung malaman niyang mahilig ako sa mangga, dinalhan niya ako ng isang kaing. Nung nakita niyang matakaw ako sa daing na bangus, dinalhan niya ako ng 60 pirasong isda. I love chocolates? May imported kendi ako araw-araw. Nabaon siya sa utang sa kadadala niya sa akin sa mamahaling restaurants. Yes, he gave me everything kahit hindi ko hinihingi.
And yes, I heard him but I didn’t understand why he had to shut me out. I didn’t know if soul searching was one of those guy things. It was the second time I felt the door slam in my face. Masakit na siya.
Umapila ako. We could do this “fixing his life” thing together. Hindi ko kailangan ang magarbong kasal. We could just elope and live in a box, I didn’t care. I was ready to give up everything. All he had to do was ask.
I didn’t need all those material shit he wanted to give me. Ang gusto ko lang, kasama ko siya. Gusto ko lang hawakan ang kamay niya. Gusto ko lang kunin lahat ng problema niya, yakapin siya nang mahigpit, magpakalunod sa mga mata niya….sumandal sa init ng dibdib niya. ‘Yon lang, wala nang iba.
Sabi niya tandaan ko raw ang date ng huling pag-uusap namin. After four months, whatever he becomes, wherever I am, he will come and find me. Hindi ako sumagot. Ayoko nang maghintay mag-isa. Hindi ko na kaya. I said goodbye.
Hindi ko alam kung sino ang selfish sa aming dalawa. Ayoko nang alamin, napapagod na ang puso ko. I already made a decision. Hindi ko na kailangang hanapin pa ang kaluluwa ko. I knew where it was. Hindi siya sumama sa pag-alis ko. Nagpaiwan siya kay James.
Words are not enough to tell you what I went through. Strange, pero hindi ko mai-blog ang sobrang sakit. Totally devastated. ‘Yun lang ang naiisip kong description. Ang dami kong iniluha gabi-gabi. But you see, walang pumatak ni isa sa blog ko. Ang daming halakhak, galit, kalokohan, kalandian…. but no tears.
Then I met Will. You know the story. My friends kept telling me, walang kapalit si James sa puso ko. Yes, I know, but where was he? Four long months and he didn’t even try to call me. Unti-unti, Will took over my heart. He was with me every single day. Until one morning, James became just a memory, a shadow of a great love. Aninong walang tao.
Last Friday, nagpunta ako sa Tagaytay, para kunan ng kapirasong video ang Taal volcano for Will (at kumain na rin ng chesecake sa bag o’ beans). Ayoko kasing tumira sa Amerika after the wedding. I’ve been there and it’s not for me.
Sabi ko kay Will, gusto ko sa Tagaytay kami bumili ng bahay. He just laughed and said, ok baby. Kahit wala siya ni kapirasong ideya kung nasaang lupalop ‘yung Tagaytay na sinasabi ko.
After doing the video, My cellphone rang. Hindi ko agad na-recognize ang boses niya sa unang hello.
E: Who is this?
J: Ella?
E: (medyo kinakabahan na) Yes?
J: Ella, this is James. Can we talk?
E: ( saglit na naloka) Ummm…aaah…yes, James, what can I do for you? But wait, how did you get my number? (bago ang cell number ko)
J: I said I will find you.
Dito tuluyan na akong naloka. Nagkaroon bigla ng kalendaryo sa utak ko. Shet ,man, today is the fourth monthsary ng paghihiwalay namin! And the irony was, today is also the day we first met. Kaya pala ito and date na sinabi niya. Was I dense.
E: (nahimasmasan na) Yeah, it’s ok. We can talk.
J: Can I see you? Can we meet?…..please.
E: James, I don’t think it’s possible. I’m in tagaytay right now….unless you’re also here.
Putah, kung nandoon siya sa Tagaytay, I was definitely jumping over the ridge. Tatalon ako sa Taal lake!!
J: I’m in Ortigas. But I can go there…
E: Nooo! James, you’re talking to me now. You can tell me whatever it is you wanna tell me.
J: (silence…matagal na katahimikan)
E: Hello? Hellooooow? Are you still there?
J: Ella, I wanna apologize for….(matagal na katahimikan ulit)
E: Ahh…ummm…okey, is that it? Apology accepted, James. And I wanna apologize too, for…you know…not waiting and all… shit, this is so awkward…
J: What? You didn’t do…it’s me….(katahimikan na naman)
E: Ok, James, you called. What is it you really need from me? ‘Cuz…ok here’s the deal…I have no issue with you. It’s been four months! Everything is fine and I’ll give you whatever it is you need from me so you can move on. But are you ok? I mean, I really want you to be happy, James.
J: Ella….I called ‘cuz….I just called to say goodbye?
E: Is that a question? hahaha (putah, natawa pa ako eh no?) Oh, ok, goodbye, James.
Sabay patay ng cellphone.
Sheeeeet! That sucked! Unbelievable! Dapat meron akong nakahandang script, jeez! Anyways, my choice was clear. There was no contest. All the time I was on the phone with James, I was thinking of Will. Sweet, constant, stable, loving, thoughtful Will. I want to marry him come December.
But, dear friends of mine, why? Bakit ayokong makaharap si James? Ano ang kinatatakot ko? Madaling ibaba ang telepono. Madaling magsabi ng goodbye, madaling pindutin ang off button.
Ganoon din kayang kadali tumayo, say goodbye at maglakad palayo ….kay James? Deep in my heart….hindi ako sigurado.
But when I say “I love you”, “you’re my life” at kung ano-ano pang kalandian kay Will…I mean every word.
Sana hindi na lang tumawag si James. Ginugulo niya ang lab istori ko….
Actually, in a worst case scenario, I can live without either James or Will. Kaya ko ‘yon. But right now, I choose not to live without Will…
And… why do I feel I haven’t heard the last of James? The plot thickens…
Ang babaeng may makulay at makabuluhang lablayp,
hanubayun? talaga yang mga lalake na yan… ang sasarap este kukulit nila ha! Pambihira naman c james, galing tumayming… kung klan ka nagmomoment sa tagaytay and dreaming where ur crib will be saka naman sya nagpapansin. And I have this feeling na di maganda ung mga words na susunod sa GOODBYE nya. Sana di na lng sya tumawag or kung gusto nya mag gudbye e sana naman, gumawa sya ng paraan na magkausap kau face to face. haaayz, di bale ganda… sabi nga nila follow ur heart kaya lng pano nga naman kung lito ang puso noh? nalilito ba ang sayo? heheh! Well, gudluck n lng po. Just pray for guidance. Ingat lagi… mwah!
*** This is a whisper message for ella! ***
hi sis, tagal ko ng di nakadalaw dito at ang dami ko palang na miss…para akong nagbasa ng pocketbook sa lovelife mo…nakaka in lab…haaaayy…feeling ko tuloy single ako…hehehehe…pag may asawa na wala na palang thrill ang love life…hehehehe…
i also think na di mganda ang reason ng pagtawag niya. it’s what i have experienced before sa ex ko… di ko siya hinayaan makita pa ako at sabihin ang gusto niyang sabihin.. and after some years nalaman ko sa iba na may anak na pala siya… hahaha buti nalang di ko siya minahal gaya ng pagmamahal mo kay James…
i think mas better kung kay Will mo na lang ituon ang lahat ng panahon mo.
hay…ganyan talaga pag ibig miss ella masalimuot. naalala ko tuloy nung ako ay wala pang asawa. sobrang colorful. gusto ko nga sana ikuwento sa blog ko kaya lang baka mapatay ako ng asawa ko.
all i can suggest is follow your heart kung saan ka mas masaya doon ka. and pray for Lord’s guidance.
ingat.
Minsan kahit sinasabi ng isip na mali ang desisyon ng puso natin, puso parin ang nasusunod. Kahit ilang beses kapa nasaktan, walang preno ang puso. Kaya minsan yaan nlang muna nating sya ang magpasya. wag nalang muna nating kontrahin. Tutal nalilimutan nman natin ang mga sakit na napagdaanan natin pag tayo ay inlab diba?
*** This is a whisper message for ella! ***
ay naku sabinga ng lola ko pag ang sugat nag langib na wag na muna galawin kasi dudugo pa din kahit mukha ng magaling, intayin na lang maging peklat at in the long time masasabi mo na “ay ito yung sugat na nakuha ko nuon” kahit hawakan mo di na siya masakit… ma lalim ba? yun din kasi mga pinagdaanan ko nun until ma meet ko wife ko. di ko siya ganun kamahal ng maging g.f ko siya pero now siya ang reyna ng aming munting house kasama ang 2 prince ko na sobrang kukulit. wag puso o utak ang gamitin, pwede naman both diba..
tsk answeet naman. wala ako masabi kase nasabi ko na nung dati pa. hehehehe.
musta laguna trip? ^_^
Wow. Parang dalawang pole pero hindi dilemma. Bakit hindi dilemma? Dahil may choice ka pang dalawang extra gaya namin ni woody o ni A. wahahaha… Nanggugulo lang Ms.Ella.
Seriously, yung unang prinsipe mo na parang si Don Juan (sa ibong adarna ata yun at di ko narin matandaan kung Juan nga ba ang pangalan niya) ay napakasensitibong tao. Nakakaaliw. Gusto niya ata eh best foot forward ng dalawang paa at sabay tatalon sa harap mo ang image na gusto niya ipakita. Gusto niya eh artificial na umpisa na maihahalintulad sa artificiality ng ending ng isang cheesy movie na kung saan sa huli’y nag-akapan at nagkatuluyan ang dalawang magsing-irog. hahaha..
Yun lamang po Ms.Dear Ella Rose. Sorry, umpisa lang kasi ang nabasa ko. wehehehe
DEAR ELLA,
Nakakaloka talaga..but as i’ve said before..as long as you blog it..i will always be here..writing my piece. The only thing i can say is from my own experience…had that first love, first bf..had the relationship for 5 years..yadi-yada..he found another..but i know he still love me..I was devastated..for 2 years I mourn..i beg God ..i cried almost every night even at work..we had mutual friends..i was living in one of our friend’s house before..and he comes to visit my friend..siyempre nandoon ako..I can’t even say hi to him without crying..i prayed almost every night that if ever there is another life..let it be us during that time..i thought i am going to die..slowly without him.. i have no life but work and i went back to pursue my graduate studies just to be busy..even with friends..i feel i was alone..he was my best friend..my love…until i migrated here in the US to continue to heal..i was so depressed at that time…my parents urged me to come here..I met my husband..i still love my ex at that time..but this guy loves me too much that he accepted everything ..he knew my past and what i’ve been going thru…loved me unconditionally..fast forward..13 years later..we have 2 kids..great life together..my ex has still has that place in my heart..fond memories na lang..you can’t really erase that but it is now way back in a far away place..i still visit that place once in a while wondering where he is now..what’s going on with his life,etc. but you see.. we had five happy years..my husband and I shared already 13 years and still love each other so much..I think I love him so much more now than ever..i thought i will not reach this far..but i did… I really think he is your soul mate..but as one of your blogger friend said before.. you don’t necessarily have to marry that one…you can find happiness somewhere else.. I still believe my ex is still my soul mate..but looking back..had i married him, i don’t think it will work..Anyway..mahaba na ‘to. i hope you’ll find your peace and happiness.
Just forget that James guy. Definitely not worth it. I do not really believe in the “soulmate”, “destiny” crap. We make our own destiny.
Saka mas mahihirapan ka lang lalo kung lagi mo ire-reminisce yung mga sweet things na nagawa syo nung James na yun. What’s more important is the NOW.
ang akin naman, kung sino yung nakapagpapangiti sa iyo at pinalilipad ang mga paru-paro mo sa tiyan pag naiisip mo sya, yun na!
at! pag naman naiisip mo isang tao at nakakaramdam ka ng lungkot, e wag na sya kasi magsilbing “omen” na sa iyo yun. baka habambuhay kang palungkutin ending, lanta ang byuti mo.
gaya ng sabi ko dati, kay soulmate pa din ako.
parang ganun din kasi ang diskarte ko sa kanya.
yun nga lang, gaya ko, parang kulang din sya sa follow through. napalampas ko din yung “the one”. so as long as happy ka naman kay Will, ok na din.
lab life nga naman……..