Puto-kutsinta ni Bae Osiang
both!!!
Impasse - stalemate, deadlock, a situation that is so difficult that no progress can be made.
Isang linggo yata akong nawala. Hindi ko na nabibilang ang araw, sorry. Feeling ko kasi laging gabi eh. Dumating at lumipas ang araw ng mga patay nang hindi ko namalayan. Pasensiya na, may repeat performance sa buhay ko. I’m trying my darndest to mend a broken heart.
Is it me o malas lang talaga ako sa pag-ibig? Nakakahalata na kasi ako, parang may pattern ang lablayp ko. But this is not your typical “he loves me, he loves me not” situation, although, kung masokista ako, isasali ko rin ‘yon sa mga tanong ko. Nope, we’re way past that stage.
Mahal niya ako, I’m sure. Just like I have no doubt in my heart that he’s the one. But why the hell am I in this desolate place again? Bakit dumilim na naman ang mundo ko? Bakit para akong silya na walang pakiramdam, walang isip? Walang buhay.
Ang bigat ng katawan ko…parang malaking bato…(na seksi). It takes a lot from me para lang tumayo at magpunta sa banyo. Ang bigat din ng mga kamay at braso ko. Hindi ko mabuhat ang kutsara at tinidor para sumubo ng pagkain. Okey lang, parang karton naman ang lasa ng pagkain eh.
Gawa yata sa kahoy ang muscles sa mukha ko. Bakit hindi ko sila maigalaw para tumawa o ngumiti man lang? May butas din siguro ang mga mata ko. Natatapon ang lahat ng tubig na iniinom ko. Tumutulo sa butas ng mata ko.
Pero malamig ang dibdib ko, magaan. Para bagang may malalim na uka. Ah alam ko na, wala kasing laman. Naisama yata ng mahal ko ang puso ko sa bagahe niya pabalik sa Amerika.
Kung baga sa chess, stalemate kami. Naghiwalay kami ng walang final decision, walang resolution. The issue was simple enough - saan ba kami titira after the wedding? Where do we start our life, our very own family? We have discussed the pros and cons. Pro ako sa Pilipinas, pro siya sa Amerika.
I stood my ground, he did not budge. Ni hindi sumulpot ang word na compromise.
Bakit ba ang tigas ng ulo ko? How I wish for once I were a pushover. Really. Sunod lang nang sunod, oo lang nang oo.
It’s clear his reasons were exactly like mine. He did not want to leave his mom and two sisters to fend for themselves. He’s been the man and head of their family for so long. Ganoon din ako. Ayokong iwan si Tatay at si Ana. I did it before at nagsisi ako.
So now all we have between us is an impasse. A deadlock… and a couple of broken hearts. And time on our side, I hope, to change our minds.
Maybe if we love each other more than we care for our families? Just a little bit more…a teeny weeny bit more. I’m sure nasa Amerika na ako ngayon…o hindi na siya sasakay sa eroplanong ‘yon.
Hindi sana basa ng luha ang unan ko ngayon.
That’s sad, Ella. I don’t really know the whole situation but just a few things. First, have you already set a wedding date? It just seems like you guyz still have unresolved issues like what you’ve mentioned. Dapat ata unahin niyo muna ‘yun pag-usapan before anything else. I thought he’s already considering moving here? Second, I cannot blame you both kung nahihirapan kayo kasi pareho nga ata kayong breadwinners, pero ‘yun nga, dapat talaga merong compromise. Tapos dapat pareho din kayo nag-eempathize that you need to both understand the situation of the other. Kapag ba dito siya nag-settle magiging stable kayo dito sa Pinas? Me makikita ba siyang work dito? Tapos kung ikaw ‘yung maggi-give in, are you willing to give up your career here and also your family para sa kanya? Dami talagang factors na dapat tingnan. Or maybe you could also consider long distance relationship pa din kahit kasal na kayo… Hirap nga lang nun…
Wish you well, Ella. Dasal ka na lang. God will lead the way, and everything will turn into its right course.
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I’m sad for u my dear. Maybe he will come back when he’s ready to be with u forever. Hugs to u. Ingat ka palagi.
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*** This is a whisper message for ella! ***
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wala akong masabi ella. mabigat din ang dibdib ko para sa iyo.
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wow ang bigat naman nyan Ella Dear. I wished i can comfort you with good words and uplifting ideas. I can only wish you both goodluck and have faith in your love.
Kung sana ay singdali lang ng kanta ang mag desisyon… ” Meet me halfway.. across the sky”…
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Kabilang sa mga unang tagubilin sa lalaki at babae ay, “Kaya nga, iiwan ng lalaki ang kanyang ama at ang kanyang ina, at makikipisan sa kanyang asawa; at sila ay magiging isang laman.
Ate Ella alam kong dumating na kayo sa point na pinakamahirap magdesiyon ang iwan ang family for the sake of building a new family, alam mo napagdaanan na naming mag asawa ito pero this is the law of God eh.. hindi naman sa totally na iiwan na sila,, alam ko magkakaroon kayo ng wisdom coming from god kung paano nyo masosolve ang ganitong situation just always ask for guidance ni God alam nya for good naman ang gusto nyo both kaya Im sure bibigyan kayo ng
right solution for this…Umpisa pa lang yan ng buhay magasawa (Hoy di kita tinatakot ha Masarap i solve ang problema mag asawa pag pareho kayong mag wo work para dito) Kaya mo yan Ikaw pa
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Both of you need to have a common ground. Walang mangyayari pag ang isa gusto sa kaliwa ang isa sa kanan… I think u already did a great thing for your family, it’s time to decide for your own sake and happiness na di kayang ibigay nga pamilya mo. You need to move on and settle down and have your own family, If you really love the man you have to trust him or else you will find your self alone and lonely… Me turning point naman pag di nag materialize relationship. Di habang panahon sister mo at father mo ang kasama mo.. good luck to you both.
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*** This is a whisper message for ella! ***
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i feel for you my dear…nakakalungkot na nanjan ka ngayon sa situation
na napakahirap pra sa inyong dalawa ni merkano ang mgdecide…
but my dear just pray for that by god’s help malalagpasan nyo rin yan.
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naiyak ako ng mabasa ko ito..Pray a lot..i’m sending a different e-mail for you. Hang in there!
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ambilis naman! parang kahapon ko lang nabasa na nagpropose sya sa yo. akala ko masaya na kasi kasalan na. well anyways, lahat naman ng relationship dumadaan sa pagsubok. sabi nga ni mark…”umpisa pa lang yan”
. hindi ako nagbibiro/nananakot ha? esp. iba ang kultura nila. what’s important is, your love for each other and your willingness to work it out. just pray for His guidance.
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Ella,
I agree with mark and other commenters. It is time for you to think for your future. You are not forsaking your father and sister, you are just moving on with your life. I am sure that your father and sister will be fine.
I am your constant reader, it is just now that I decided to comment on your site. You are quite a writer and you wear your heart on your sleeves.
Good luck,
RD
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*** This is a whisper message for ella! ***
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Ilang araw lang akong di naka bisita dito ang dami ng bago. Nakakalungkot naman. I don’t know what to tell you pero i wish you well at sana malampasan nyo eto because i want you to have a happy ending. Hang in there EllaBabe!
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*** This is a whisper message for ella! ***
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An Sakit……..matagal na ko di nakakadalaw dito Miss E…bisi-bisihan kasi……I know how it feels…para na akong ermitanya (na maganda), though I’m the third party in the relationship and he cared for me i decided na ayoko na at kahit nanunuyo pa siya masakit pa rin kasi…so ayoko na muna……still healing the slashed heart inside my chest…..You are strong I know there’ll be a happy ending to your love story…
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